One of my favorite Simpson’s episodes (just one of many) is the one where Homer and his neighbor Ned Flanders get into a suburban-style competition and try to out-do each other vis à vis ostentatious consumption. At some point it comes down to who can buy the more impressive RV, and Homer finds himself at the local RV dealership, hoping to buy a mega-mobile-home called “The Ultimate Behemoth.”
The salesman (a smooth-talker wearing a bolo tie) and Homer sit on opposite sides of a desk and talk.
SALESMAN (laughs): I’m not gonna quote you a price till I check your credit rating. And let me — I want to make myself clear on this. This is a formality. If you’re saying to me, “Bob, is this guy good for it?”, I say, “Yes.” I don’t check this machine, but I don’t own the place, even though’s my name up there. Long story, but that doesn’t matter. I’m gonna have to run it through the computer.
The salesman presses [Enter] and suddenly, a loud siren erupts.
HOMER: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
SALESMAN: You ever know a siren to be good? (chuckles). No, Mr. Simpson, it’s not. It’s a bad siren. That’s the computer in case I went blind, telling me “Sell the vehicle to this fella and you’re out of business!” That’s what the siren says.
So that got me thinking. Like a siren or a phone call at 4 in the morning,what other things are never good? I’ve come up with a few phrases, and I’m certainly open to more:
- “Do you have a plunger?”
- “It’s the school calling.”
- “What kind of insurance do you have?”
- “We need to talk.”
- “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
- “Was the cat still in there?”